I have no appreciation for anything. I mean, I can say the things I could see myself appreciating or, I can rationalize things I SHOULD appreciate. But on an emotional level, I feel no appreciation for anything. I've put up barricades, locking the world outside, all the while thinking I was free; FAILING to realize that if everyone is locked out, then I'm locked in. I don't want to be locked in anymore. I want to be free. I want to feel things. I want to learn to love again.
I don't know how to open up. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love, or to be loved. I feel cold, alone. Not really sad, but not really happy. Just null. There is so much in this world to appreciate. This whole life is a gift! Everyone in it, regardless of their strengths or weaknesses are gifts. Including me. Why can I see this, read this, but not feel-not breathe it.
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